if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
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