just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
