Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
