Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Randomize
