I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize