I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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