I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
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