This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
