We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
