I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
they need to just BURY HIM!
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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