cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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