I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
