I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
