I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
