I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
