i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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