I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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