loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
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I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
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I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.