i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.