Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
