Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
