It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
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had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
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Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.