my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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