ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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