sarcasm needs its own font
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
