I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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