So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
