if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Randomize
