Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
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But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
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Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
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