'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
