i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
the day after is always just damage control
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
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I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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