fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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