having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
