woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
