I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Randomize
