Banned from zoo.
Again?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
