he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Dick very happy bro
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
