new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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