1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
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Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
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If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
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