i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
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