you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
