i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
