Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
