just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
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i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
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Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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