State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
