chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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