when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
