Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
