I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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