"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
