is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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