help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
