I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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