Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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