Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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