My room smells like vodka and shame
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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