I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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