Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
