Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
